Control
We have a client that just opened a new restaurant and it is takeout style where everything is already made up for you. Today we were invited to come try everything out and the client served us and everything. We didn't order, he just brought us out some spring rolls and he said that he would also bring out the beef noodle dish. I ate my two spring rolls, with shrimp in them and of course rice paper wraps. I feel guilty, I didn't want to do it but I think it would have made him feel bad had I refused to eat the food he served me. We were his first customers and he was so proud. He offered me several other vegetarian dishes, veggie fried rice, veggie lo mein, etc., finally I said just vegetables would be fine, so he made them special for me and they came with some kind of sauce on them. I had to eat them, I wanted to, not to cheat on the diet but because I wanted to be polite.
This whole experience was very hard for me because I had no control over the situation. The diet is not a problem for me because I have been eating like phase 3 since the last cleanse. To have no control over what I am having to eat bugs me and makes me so uncomfortable.
I guess I just needed to vent.
posted by Jackie @ 1:40 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
What a tough first day, I'm sorry Jackie! Feeling dissapointed is always a drag. But I think feeling guilty is truly toxic. A Buddhist would tell you to USE the situation to learn, rather than spending much time just feeling guilty which is really just treading worn ground. Or, use the guilt to learn. It sounds like a lack of control issue and a guilt issue, two issues very near and dear to my own heart ;) Maybe instead of spending time and energy on feeling guilty, you could spend that same time and energy composing ways to find a middle path. Like, could you come up with something to say that is polite, honest, heart-felt and authentic to you that would both satisfy the restauranteur's desire to impress you and keep you within your own boundaries? This is incredibly tough, and there's never a guarantee it will be well-received. But, I usually go with revealing my concerns outright. Like "I am so impressed with your presentation of this meal. It's extremely important to me that you not feel offended by this but today I cannot eat the beautiful food you are so generously offering us. Just this week I am on a special diet and .... "
And sometimes it works out well and sometimes, oy vey what a mess. I just think it's important that we try to become adept at speaking out truth and needs in a way that is non-harming. What a skill!
Just take an extra dose of colon cleanser and blow that shrimp right out of there. Kidding of course... ;)
Thanks for shring, look at at all the wonderful truth that has come forth. Just like the ...
I really appreciated your story today, Jackie. I can really relate to it - especially having lived/ travelled a lot in Asia where, when someone offers you food it's like they are bowing at your feet -it's their way of honoring you. I find that it was very sensitive of you to understand this situation and the implications of the food offering. I probably would have made the same choice, and I don't think you should feel guilty. I think Gina is right about the need to speak your truth, and I also think it is right to respect others. The question I would ask is 'why do you feel guilty?' Is it because you felt you would be judged for breaking a rule? Perhaps there was a part of you that knew you would feel even worse had you not been able to show a way to return the respect you were being shown. Perhaps instead of seeing it as being out of control, you can look at is as having made the choice that was appropriate in that situation. Of course, there are no perfectly right answers. I just wanted to let you know I feel your pain because I've been there so many times and I've learned that the worst I can do is beat myself up about a decision that seemed like the best thing at the time. In the grand scheme of things, all you did was ingest a few shrimp - the fact that you did it with awareness and with recognition of what that meant I think far outweights what you ate.
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