Too much information

As the long-distance cleanser, I have the distinct advantage of being able to announce, "I have serious stomach issues" with impunity (i.e., without having to ever look you all in the eye at 6:00 am and be paranoid that everyone is judging me based on my stomach "issues.") I say this tongue in cheek (at least in part). I, like many, am totally out of touch with food, my body, and the way they work together. I, like many people, desired a quick and easy solution to this problem. I visited a doctor here in NYC to figure out what on earth to do and she suggested I go on a very basic, simple, restricted diet, starting with egg whites, lettuce, wheat bread and a food journal. I did what any other rational person in that situation would do - I smiled politely and made an appointment to see a different doctor.

In the meantime, I randomly ended up getting this thai massage by a woman who, while she was massaging my stomach, frowned and told me that my belly is "no good." She informed me that my intestines and stomach were all gunky and that it had just as much to do with what I eat as it has to do with my mental state. She suggested I not drink any cold products, do yoga, and in essence, "get it together." She then proceeded to finish the massage by kneeling on my back and kicking me, leaving me with both bruises and a reason to totally discount everything she had said about my mind-belly disconnect.

I finally got to see Dr. #2, who graciously prescribed Zelnorm, which served as a quick enough fix to my issue...until I went for a refill last week and was informed that it was taken off the market "due to increased stroke and heart attack risks." Nice.

This cleanse could not come at a more opportune time for me. I have known for a while now that I have a problem listening to what my body (vs. my mind) is telling me (e.g., mind: i LOVE lime tostitos! Eat the whole bag!! body: ouch. ouch. ouch. ouch.). Dr. #1, who suggested the diet, suggested that I start basic. As she explained it, it all sounded rather complex and time consuming and really, I had no idea how to go about it, so I put the whole idea on the shelf. Luckily I can start this process with the tools provided by the cleanse. I'm a girl who likes the rules. I'm thrilled to have my little packet of rules and recipes and other suggested readings and am looking forward to seeing what works (and what doesn't work) with my lazy excuse for a digestive system and how to incorporate these discoveries into a sustainable diet.