Intention In Tension
Yesterday morning Big I Gina ("Big" for short) began with a short discourse on the ways in which shifting our thoughts and intentions can shift the energy in a moment, a space, a life. As she spoke, I kept thinking of this passage from the Buddha upon which I regularly meditate --
"The thought manifests as the word;
The word manifests as the deed;
The deed develops into habit;
And habit hardens into character;
So watch the thought and its ways with care;
And let it spring from love born out of concern for all beings;
As the shadow follows the body, as we think, so we become..."
All day, I let the seeds of Big's words mingle with those of the Buddha, and I became somewhat sorrowful because I realized how much of my life has been wasted in fear/anger, and inability to forgive. For most of my spiritual journey, I have focused on the way my habits of being affect the other people in my life...but not how they affect me. What I've begun to realize, ala Big and the Buddha and other spiritual teachers, is that these habits of mind tie me to the little I, wind around my heart like a thousand cords anchoring me to my suffering...close down my chest and constrict my breath perpetually marking those emotions on my body's geography.
The Budha said, "habit hardens into character..." And I don't want my character to reflect the smallest part of who I am. Just like I don't want my body to be forever recalling, repeating because of its posture and what's imprinted on its nervous system, the worst moments of my life.
So my sorrowful recollections became an opportunity for the person I am right now to shower the person I used to be with compassion -- she did the best she could given the circumstances...And a time to rededicate myself to continuing the work of untying the knots that have bound my heart.
posted by bhakti69 @ 12:48 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
Ash, you are such a poet and I think your true essence and talent come out most magnificently when you are writing about your journey, revealing your heart and teaching the rest of us by example. We, your friends and readers, must never forget how rare and precious this opportunity is to learn these things from each other. Just look around and see the state of those who have not yet found their course nor their kula. Let's not squander, great things are happening!
PS - Did I mention that even when you're at your most revealing and most poetic you're still funny as shit? I kept laughing at being called B.I.G. which is so wonderful because if your very NAME is "Big I", I would think it makes it much harder to fall off the spiritual wagon. This is why some change their names to Krishna Das, Bhagavan Das, etc, to remind themselves they are serving the Source, the Highest Self. Why not B.I.G. to remind me? hahahahahahaa
Love you sister!
One more thing that Ashley's post made me think about...I think it's really important to realize that this path will bring to our consciousness the "error" of our previous ways. Equally important is to realize that in the past you were not weighing ALL the options and then just choosing poorly. Some of the options, such as those being revealed to you now, were unknown and therefore, as far as you were concerned, not even up for consideration. It would not be beneficial to anyone for us to feel shame or beat ourselves up for habits we cultivated or choices we made when we really didn't know of any other way than what we did, right? Now we're just learning there are more options and we can work with those now - we're not limited to our previous choices. And down the road, even more will be revealed so will you beat yourself up for not doing now what you didn't really know about yet?
Love to all...
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