The Wisdom Within

The cleanse has a deeper meaning for me, trying to let the mindfulness about what I'm eating stimulate mindfulness of other things I think or do that may not be most beneficial.

Wednesday I started to feel all the tell-tale symptoms of a cold coming on. A weird sensation in my lungs, a slightly raw feeling in the throat, dizziness and just a little too much mucus (too much information?). So I immediately started with my Oscillococcinum which is a homeopathic cold/flu treatment from France. What I find fascinating is that increased mindfulness has got me noticing the actual feeling of my body fighting the evil virus. It hasn't surrendered into a full-blown cold but they are battling head to head pushing each other back and forward, back and forward and I can really feel who's winning at any given time!

So I worked all day yesterday noticing the waxing and waning. With an Intro to Yoga on Saturday, Mother's Day on Sunday and this little thing called an immersion and cleanse next week (and the 7 classes I'm adding to my regular schedule), I knew the wisest, most yogic thing to do was lay low and ask for help. But I have an old stand-by habit of "never say die!". You see, I believe I can will myself to do anything necessary. And it usually works. But at what cost? How many times have I already willed myself to "get 'er done" and suffered the consequences?

I came home from LA an empty shell but I willed myself to immediately begin the build-out of Kansas Siddhi Yoga and spent the next 6 months further emptying my empty tank. So when I opened, I was beyond empty, completely drained and it took a full year for me to feel like I had prana, life force, enough to share.

So I've been there, done that, on a big scale, like the studio build-out and on a small scale at least once a month or so, run myself ragged, over-extend myself and then have nothing left to give. How many times do I have to do it to learn that in the end it doesn't work?

So last night I "forced" myself to do what my higher self knew was right, surrender and ask for help. But boy, it wasn't easy. Just ask Laura how pathetic my wishy-washy reaching out to her to help teach my classes was. I kept asking, "Are you sure?" and what I really meant was "Am I sure?". And no I wasn't sure but the wisdom within kept saying, "rest, heal, let this body focus on the fight with the virus, it's just one night." Sounds convincing. But, old habits die hard and even at 9pm, bundled up in bed I was still questioning what I already knew deep down was the right thing. I felt guilty about putting myself above my classes and my responsibility, even when in the long run, I knew I would have more to offer if I took a little time to restore and replenish.

So could you ever call a cold a blessing? A Buddhist would say yes, a cold may feel "bad" but it's workable, there is something to be learned from it. It gave me a clear opportunity to witness an old habit and inner wisdom battle it out. I don't feel "all better" this morning but I feel a little wiser and a little more confident that I can survive the inner battles that will ensue as wisdom begins to take over.

Love to you all,
Gina

PS - May we all have the blessing of a good friend like Laura to patiently wait and hold our hands as we grow. I love you and thank you my dear, sweet friend for always being there for me!